Seasonal Affective Disorder

I'm SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or I guess I have SAD. The acronym is almost too cute isn't it? Anyway, in case you don't live in the arctic mid-North like I do and don't know what SAD is. It's depression linked to the weather. Some people actually get Summer SAD. Can't imagine that but it must just as miserable.

I've had SAD for so many years that now I recognize it. Usually about February, I start hating everything, my hair, my house, my clothes, my body, my life. I don't want to leave the house. I'm lethargic and apathetic. I let the housework go because it's too much trouble. I get agitaged with the kids very easily. I feel overwhelmed by everything. Overall, I'm just miserable.

This year my seasonal depression has kicked into overdrive much earlier. I think that maybe the nine continuous days of snow may have had something to do with that. I definitely feel a lightening of my mood when it's sunny. It doesn't even have to be warm, although that's nice too. Yesterday it was like driving full speed into a solid brick wall on a motorcycle. It took everything I had not to cry all day long. Nothing in particular was bothering me. I just felt like crying.

By now, you are thinking, "What does this have to do with homeschooling?" Well, first off, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want and I needed to get this off my chest. That being said, before I started working, I would succumb to my SAD. I would tell people we school from March to November because I don't leave the house in the Winter and it was true. Since I've started working (see the blog theme developing now?), I find that I have to push through a lot of my SAD symptoms and keep going. I don't have the "luxury?" of curling up on the couch in my jammies all day. It also means that on my days off there are things that have to be done. Trips to the grocery, library, play dates, field trips. Since family time is limited I feel that I need to optimize the time I do have with my kids. I can't put off grocery shopping to another day because I have to go to work. I can't let the laundry lapse because we all need to get dressed and actually leave the house.

I'm still contemplating on whether this is a good thing or not. It's definitely good that I'm getting out of the house and working through things, but I wonder if in the end or middle in this case, it amplifies other symptoms that I can't control so easily.

So are you thinking, this woman is completely nuts? I am, but has very little to do with my depression. I don't medicate because I feel that anti-depressants are very hard on the body. I think for more long-term usage they are wonderful things, but for short-term SAD, it's too much. I have looked into light therapy and I'm pretty sure that next year I'm getting a light box. Our insurance won't pay for it, so I'm going to save my pennies. I'm really interested in dawn simulators. I think that's where I'll start. This year however, finances have just not allowed, so you are stuck with my diatribe. Hopefully, next year's entry at this time will be all about how wonderful the dawn simulator is and how much better I feel.

Here's to sunshine and warmer temperatures. Spring is only 58 days away.

Belly Button Fuzz and Toe Jam

I had to share. My children are slightly warped and totally wonderful. I guess that's what happens when they have me for a mother.

Anyway, with my great new smart phone, you can search the Internet from anywhere. DD#1 is in the car with me last Friday, we started talking about ear wax (that's how our family works, go figure). She wanted to google it. So, being the great unschooling mother that I am, I have her free reign to explore what interested her. She found FAQs on ear wax. She read up on cleaning your ears. She found out why we have ear wax. Then she decided to move on to other bodily gunk. She googled belly button fuzz. She discovered a band called Belly Button Fuzz (www.bellybuttonfuzz.com) and several other references to belly button fuzz, but no FAQs. Then she moved on to toe jam. We now know you can't spread that on toast!

This is the great part of child-led learning. We give our children the freedom to explore whatever grabs their attention. I didn't tell her she'd have to wait to learn it in a book. She practiced some research skills. Don't tell her that though. Most importantly, we had fun and were silly together. As she gets older, I feel like that happens less and less. My baby girl has always been a little grown-up, all serious and introspective. I love when we get to play.

Work or Snow Day?

Some days, it's really hard to be a responsible adult. Have you ever noticed that?

We have maybe 3 or 4 inches of new snow on the ground and most of it swirling around in the air. The high temp. is supposed 17 dropping to a toasty 5. The city streets are covered in snow and it is just generally nasty outside. Today is one of my 3 work days. I don't wanna go!

Now I'm in the midst of an internal struggle. The responsible working girl in me says get your fanny dressed and get to work like an adult. The mom and inner child says it's a snow day and it's cold outside so let's stay in and drink hot chocolate and play games.

This is the slow season in our office so I don't have a ton of things waiting for me, but I still feel obligated. My boss makes it worse but leaving it up to me. He called the agents and told them to stay home. My husband tells me to stay home, as he's speaking to me from his office 42 miles away. Apparently it's OK for him to risk life and limb to drive to work in a near blizzard but not for me to go 4 miles.

Right this minute, I've compromised and I'm working from home. I'm feeling more and more like staying home is the best choice for today. It's really hard to maintain the balance.